Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Random Rant: Booty Call

At the risk of putting my business on the internet, I have a bone to pick with the general college-age community.

What is it with the booty call, people?!

Either there is some serious misunderstanding going on, or our generation has some seriously fucked (ha) ideas about sex. [Well, more than likely, it's both. A lot of both.]

Let me break it down for y'all. Other than an actual relationship, there are a number of "situations":
The hookup/one-night stand: casual, just a one-time thing, usually where alcohol is involved. What I call "college dating" (I'll get to that bitch-fest later).
Fuck Buddies/Booty Call: casual, ongoing thing, just about sex (and getting off) with no feelings; "fuck buddies" implies a mutual understanding and interest in just sex, while "booty call" has a much more negative connotation, usually where one person is leading the other on. I also refer to this as "college dating."
Friends with Benefits: casual, ongoing thing; an actual friendship with sex but no romantic feelings (friends with a side of sex); not the same as "dating" because there is no actual dating happening or romantic interest.
Dating: semi-casual, ongoing thing, that involves actually going on dates, and at least some romantic interest.
Dating Exclusively: sort of a weird gray area before you actually hit "relationship"; you're not seeing other people but you're not officially "in a relationship."

READ THOSE. Read them again. Learn them. Know them. DO NOT CONFUSE THEM.

There is some serious laziness and/or dishonesty going on. PEOPLE, BE REAL, BE HONEST, AND BE UP FRONT. Do not tell someone you want to date them if what you really want is to put in as little effort as humanly possible to get into their pants so you can have an ongoing booty call. And hooking up is NOT a date. Even if you "hang out" for like 20 minutes after. (MALE PEOPLE, I'm looking at you. Women are guilty too, but in my experience, men have been the biggest offenders.)

I get the sense that many men (and women) who aren't totally real about their interests are working on the assumption that women aren't as sexual as men and that they wouldn't be down for a FB/BC situation. First, that's deceptive and not cool. Grow a pair. Second, sometimes women just want to get theirs. It's not as socially acceptable for a woman to "act like a guy," but trust, sometimes we'd rather just get sex and not deal with your drama and bullshit. So just be honest and let the other person know. Don't be an asshole.
And for the love of God, do not project stupid stereotypes and make assumptions. "Oh, she's an irrational, emotional woman, so now that I've had sex with her she's going to get all attached and want a relationship and go all crazy and stalker..." NO. JUST NO. You're an idiot. You aren't that good in bed, and acting all stupid about it is just obnoxious and annoying.

Also, this sense of entitlement or obligation or the right to demand: If you think you are entitled to ANYTHING, you get nothing. And you shouldn't get anything until you figure it out. There is more than one person involved. Selfishness and superiority have no place in sex. You're not doing anyone a favor. You are not some amazing gift that all who have the privilege of experiencing should just be grateful for. You are owed nothing. Even the casual hookup or booty call is mutual and equal. One person does not call the shots, and all boundaries need to be respected.

And men, you don't get to demand or expect blowjobs. "Oh, just blow me, it's no big deal." "It's just head." Really? Then you go first. You scratch my back, I'll scratch yours.
That's what I thought.

Keep it safe (USE CONDOMS), keep it consensual, keep it real and honest, keep it mutual. Jus' sayin'.

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